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The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 483
Production Info Intro Another Colbert Tradition * This is the last show before Thanksgiving ** gather kids around the barbecue and hold a mock trial for turkey *** it's crime: succulence * not giving thanks for the election of Obama ** he's not the voice if Stephen can't hear him * an age of new black leaders: ** Newark Mayor Cory Booker ** Alabama Congressman Artur Davis ** Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter ** Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick ** Justice League President-elect Black Lightning *** beat Aquaman after the failure of his slogan "Yes We Clam" * they all won because racism is over! ** Racism 1776-2008 * balloons are gray ** with racism over this is the color we all are ** much more attractive than the ones Dr. Colbert plans to use once sexism is over *** witnessing the dropping of these balloons will require a poncho * Mayor Cory Booker rejects the term post-racial * he says America is not like Holland and Norway ** where everyone smokes hash out of a herring bong * Mayor Booker wants to eat us ** our delicious differences make us strong * Newark mayor Cory Booker ** appeared on The Report to explain himself and roll Dr. Colbert in bread crumbs * Stephen honors him with a gray balloon of post-racialism * luxuriate in racial deliciousness ** inviting Stephen in the hot tub of unity * Mayor Booker believes America shouldn't be a concert of one instrument, it should be a bunch of instruments playing one song * Mayor Booker believes America was founded on three ideas: ** liberty ** justice ** inclusion of everyone playing a roll * original America ** white land holding men who got to enjoy that idea * Dr. Colbert doesn't see Mayor Booker as black ** Mayor Booker accused Stephen of being able to see color ** Stephen corrected him: he can see red, white and blue, but only in the UV spectrum * Dr. Colbert says The Pledge of Allegiance five times a day facing the flag * Mayor Booker wants segregation ** then backtracks and tries to say he wants America in a chorus of differences ** and then a rainbow * Stephen enumerated all his comparisons: ** delicious ** like a chorus ** like a symphony ** like a rainbow * Stephen then reminded him that what makes a rainbow beautiful is the pot of gold at the end * he reduced murder and shooting by 40% * on his inauguration day, Mayor Booker and his security detail chased down a bank robber ** he did not disclose if he is The Batman Holiday Jam Drizzop * Dr. Colbert reviews new albums for the holiday season * guidance about which ones to buy ** Stephen will spread his Deejay-Naise, with the new segment: * Stephen Colbert's meTunes John Legend album Evolver * not an hour-long pro-Darwin lecture, so sexy that no one could resist it's argument * contains songs featuring ** Andre 3000 ** Kanye West ** Brandy ** Estelle (may have played "Sofia" on The Golden Girls) * single: Green Light ** embraces product placement *** not beauty shots of Snow Queen Vodak *** the chorus, "ready to go right now," is also the new slogan for "Flomax" * Highest Rating 5 "Mes" Tony Keith album That Don't Make Me A Bad Guy * single God Love Her ** about a Preacher's daughter who runs off with a rebellious young man, only later to teach him about God *** she is simply doing Missionary work, but not always in that position * in liner notes Keith thanks Jesus and Ford trucks ** they're both tough, but only one of them can carry loose gravel in a reinforced steel bed *** Jesus doesn't have the torque * Highest Rating 5 "Mes" Guns N' Roses album Chinese Democracy * set to be released the same day as Stephen Colbert's Christmas Special ** Axl Rose is trying to steal Stephen's thunder *** he has been warned not to OD on that day * 50th backing track on the title song could use more reverb delaying it for another week more than 14 years it's already been put off ** Brian Wilson might be able to help polish it for a few decades * Rating No "mes" for: ** stomping on Stephen's special ** and ignoring Dr. Colbert's suggestion to call the album "Chinese Dentistry" *** have all the songs come in at 2:30 ( "tooth-hurty") Original Stephen Colbert Song * a song promoting his Christmas Special on Comedy Central (and soon to be a ringtone): :::Watch Stephen Colbert's Christmas, The Greatest Gift Of All :::Premiering November 23rd at ten p.m. :::on Comedy Central! Interview * Thomas Friedman * book "The World Is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-first Century" (Updated and Expanded) * "Hot, Flat and Crowded" * implication ** population ** environmental * the whole show was written by a guy in Bangalore * Stephen runs a body temperature, but not in Centegrade * Stephen prays * 1.3 billion emits an enormous amount of methane gas * next book "Hot, Flat, Crowded and Doomed ** thinks it should be "Busted" instead * theory: China for a day ** make a long-term plan for a green revolution * Stephen separates his trash and eats Kashi cereal Epilogue * Dr. Colbert reminds the heroes that his new Christmas Special premiers this Sunday, November 23, 2008 ** the DVD is due November 25th *** Yuletide fun for the whole family once you get past the 4 minutes of uncensored goat sodomy * the words goat sodomy get thrown around in this business * how to bypass the promos ** Press next or chapter button 3 times ** when you see a blue warning screen, go to the kitchen and get a snack ** once you see Stephen, start enjoying your holiday * make skipping past goat sodomy a holiday tradition Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Motherload Videos External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments